Now that Halloween is over, we’ve officially entered the holiday season. To kick off these two months of holiday shopping, I thought I’d share some stupid sh*t I’ve bought from Amazon.

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Amazon has got to be the closest thing to having a replicator on Start Trek, but without the Enterprise and Captain Picard, or Worf, or outer space… Okay, so it’s not like a replicator because if I ordered from Alexa, “Earl Grey Tea, hot” like Capt. Picard, I’ll probably get some good-looking Earl named Grey T. knocking on my door. 🤔Maybe that’s not so bad. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is (and ignore the forementioned bad analogy), whatever my shopping thought of the moment is, if I can find it on Amazon and it’s Prime, then I’m ordering it and getting it pretty darn fast. Certainly not instantly like a Star Trek replicator, but fast enough that it’ll arrive before I can talk some sense into myself and change my mind. Here are the top five “What the-?” things I’ve purchased from Amazon…

100 sets of wooden chopsticks, $6.69

This was the very first Amazon purchase I thought, What in the heck was I thinking? And to this day, I have absolutely no idea. It took us about two years to use up all of those chopsticks. At one time, my coworkers helped me look up crafts and stuff to make with them since I had about 85 sets left. You wouldn’t believe all of the different things people make with them. I didn’t end up crafting anything but instead chugged along using them whenever we could, like using them to dip my popcorn chicken in my ranch dressing because, why not, right? Finally, about two years later we used them all. My husband joked I should buy more, ha-ha. What he doesn’t know is that thought already crossed my mind, but for serious. So, maybe one day we’ll see that 100 set pack again. Maybe…

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A grapefruit spoon, $5.99

Only one. I’m glad the Amazon delivery person didn’t know he was delivering just one spoon that day. And guess what? I don’t even like grapefruit. But after reading about the benefits of grapefruit on Yahoo!, I thought I’d give it another shot. And I might as well have the proper tool, right? And you know what? I still didn’t like it. So now my kitchen junk drawer has a grapefruit spoon in it. But hey, I do use it now to scoop out zucchini boats and for scraping out the insides of jalapenos. So, I guess it eventually worked out.

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A colorful ball of rubber bands, $5.48 x 2

I ordered this not once, but twice because for whatever reason on two different occasions, my mind really wanted rubber bands. I totally forgot I had them already when I ordered them again. I would’ve returned the second ball but I figured it wasn’t worth the effort. So now what? After taking up space in our desk for a long time, I figured out I could use them to close up food packages like I would with chip clips. Just roll up the bags and rubber-band it. Chip clip, schmipp-blip. Who needs ‘em when you’ve got a sh*t-ton of colorful rubber bands?  

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Magic 8 Ball, $7.99

I added this because I may have had a lot to drink when I ordered it. So, when it arrived, I was like, What the eff? I thought it was a mistake until I looked up my orders on Amazon. Nope, there it was, purchased two nights before when cocktail hour started early. Thankfully, what may have been a silly drunken purchase, turned out be a real lifesaver for those hard decisions I have to make from time to time. Like, Should I make chicken for dinner? Consult that Magic 8 Ball. “My reply is NO”. Ok, we’ll get carry-out. Or, Should I shower today? “As I see it, YES”. It’s so very polite.

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Chickie egg cup holder with a spoon, $4.69

This was my first pandemic purchase. I’m really sorry delivery person because this was the only thing in that box. It took about two weeks for it to arrive so when it did, I had forgotten I ordered it. Apparently, I was in the mood for soft-boiled eggs at the time. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. The fit was too tight for my eggs. Plus, my soft-boiled eggs never turned out right. They were either too undercooked or overcooked. Too bad, so sad. But man, does it look cute in my cabinet. Whenever I open that cabinet, there it is looking back at me looking all adorable. So apparently, I paid $4.69 for smiles. What a bargain!

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Honorable mention, $6.48

These just arrived yesterday. More. Fricken. Rubber Bands. But these are supersize! And I don’t have food packages that large! What is it with me and rubber bands??? I know there’s a method to my madness but man, sometimes it’s really really hard to find it. Really. So, until then, I guess it’s just madness.

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You’re probably thinking I have a super bad memory plus a serious compulsion to shop. Half true. I prefer to think my shopping urges come to me like dreams. While in the moment, the vision and intent are very clear. But once I step away, my mind forgets, like a dream dissipating once I wake up. Maybe I should start a shopping diary. Maybe I’ll find a pattern to why I buy certain things. Maybe I’m just a little cuckoo, or a lot. Maybe none or all of the above. Anyone need some rubber bands?

_{FYI: I have not received any compensation for the product(s), store(s), and/or link(s) mentioned in this blog. This content was written purely from my perspective for informational purposes only.}