My husband planted his vegetable garden this past weekend. I think that’s great. I’ve always liked the idea of having a garden, to be able to go outside and pick a tomato or some green beans for dinner. But the reality is, I’m not planting or picking anything. Besides my track record of killing all plants I touch, I don’t like dirt, being near bugs, and most of all, being in the vicinity of worms. Thankfully, Rick has no issues with these things and is happy to do it all, from grinding up the dirt (or whatever that’s called) to planting the plants, and remembering to water them. Gotta love this guy. Farmer Rick to the rescue! Otherwise, my reality fix would be: Farmers Market. I love our local farmers market where super-fresh veggies are in abundance and everyone seems so cheerful. Plus, there’s this adorable little old man who makes really awesome Scottish shortbread. Sooooo gooood!
Here are a few other “great ideas” I’ve had that would never become a reality…
When I was younger, I wanted to be a marine biologist like the big J. C. (Jacques Cousteau). Sea life is fascinating. I loved watching all those underwater documentaries and still do. And hey, who wouldn’t want to hang out on a big yacht with a bunch of sexy scientists with their big brains tucked in tight swim shorts? Unfortunately, it was never meant to be. I failed Biology my freshman year in college. (I almost threw up when I had to dissect a clam.) I also couldn’t (and still can’t) stand the smell of fish and there’s no way I’m gonna scuba dive with my claustrophobic issues. Plus, I think sea water is kinda smelly and totally not-so-fun to swim in. The first time I dunked my head in the ocean, I must’ve spit for an hour. I just couldn’t get used to that salty water seeping into my mouth. Yuck. Reality fix: Shark Week on Discovery Channel, complete with sexy scientists galore!
If I could live a life of leisure and go back to college, I’d want to get a degree in Geology. I love studying rocks. Looking at all those little crystals that make up rocks is really cool to me. But my husband just recently pointed out that studying rocks may clash with my issues with dirt. I do admit, I only like looking at clean rocks, not so crazy about looking at the dirty ones. Oh well… Reality fix: We have a great jewelry store close by that sells clean, pretty rocks. The geologist in me likes to put them in cute little bowls around the house to spread the good vibes.
I recently found out we can raise chickens in our neighborhood. Albeit a little strange, but wouldn’t it be fun to have a cute little chicken clucking around in the backyard? We could gather some eggs to cook up for breakfast anytime we wanted. And “they say” fresh eggs are the best, in taste and nutrition. But I just can’t get past the chicken-butt thing. In reality, I don’t think I could pick up an egg that was still warm and then eat it. That’s a wee too close to the source. Okay, A LOT too close. Reality fix: $6/dozen pasture-raised eggs complete with a live video link so you can see the chickens happily clucking around a farm. And they really do look happy.
Honorable mention… I really like the idea of visiting new places but in actuality, I don’t like to travel. It’s the “getting there” part that I have a problem with. If it’s within 4 hours of driving, no prob. But what about international? Not only do I have a serious fear of flying, I’m not crazy about trains and ships either. Even though I’ve never been on a train or a ship before, there always seems to be some kind of horrible accident about one or the other in the news. Google “train derailment”. You’ll see what I mean. And ships like cruise ships, no way. One word…Titanic. But I’d love to visit some ancient temples in Greece or see the pyramids in Egypt. Or visit Scotland, drink some scotch with a Scotsman, and touch a castle to feel the cool, calmness of time through the standing stones. Or simply go to the Grand Canyon, stand at the bottom, and feel really, really small. But all of these places are too far away. Reality fix: Teleportation. I could pop into Egypt, touch a pyramid, maybe take a selfie, and call it a day. My trip would take 10 minutes tops. Unfortunately, Scotty hasn’t invented it yet. Nuts.
Just Lolligaggin' 