Being the only female in the household definitely has its advantages. There’s no girl drama besides my own to deal with. My guys don’t really care much about their clothes so no need to spend lots of money on fashion. I’ll just pick up a few things for them here and there that I know they’ll like and it’ll magically appear in their laundry baskets to be put away. Decor, food shopping, pretty much all shopping falls on my shoulders. It’s all me. Mom.

But there are times when it really sucks being the only girl amongst the guys. Here are my biggest complaints…

The Three P’s: Sharing the bathroom with three guys can get really gross. I’ve learned long ago to fear the closed toilet lid. Yes, it’s great that the boys actually put down the toilet lid but a lot of times, I’m afraid of what I’ll find when I lift that lid. It’s always a gamble. Will it be pee, poop, or pubes? Many times it’ll be all three. I find myself wondering if they lift the seat at all when they pee because it’s often left wet, just waiting for me to wipe it down. Forgetting to flush the toilet, that’s a mystery. It’s a routine that you should be able to do in your sleep. Go, flush, wash hands. So, how in the heck do they forget to flush when they go as far as putting down the lid? Don’t they see the bowl is full? And last, the pubes. Omg, teenage boys leave a lot of them. Like a ridiculous amount of them. Sometimes tumbleweeds of them. They. Are. Everywhere. Oy.

Disrespecting the throw pillows: I don’t understand why it’s so difficult for guys to sit in chairs or on the couch with throw pillows. I’ll often find them on the floor or smushed in an unnatural lumpy ball of pillow that will never revert back to its natural pillow shape. What did the pillows ever do to them besides offer colorful accents to the room and sometimes extra back support when needed? Why must they suffer so?

Crumbs: Apparently crumbs are only visible to me. Even after I’ve requested they be cleaned up, they’re still there, maybe a little less, but there. Is this my super power? To be able to detect crumbs? If so, I’d like to trade it in.

Loud TV: I don’t understand why the guys need to watch TV with the volume up so high. There have been times when I’ve turned on the TV and felt my soul get blasted backwards across the room because it was last on so loud. Just because you can turn it up high, doesn’t mean you should. It is not necessary to hear the TV outside the house.

Honorable mentions:

• Toenail clippers do not belong on the coffee table.
• Single dirty socks should not be left in the middle of the family room floor. And why only one? Where’s the other?
• Cramming the washing machine with so many clothes that the swisher-thingy cannot move will not clean the clothes. They’ll come out looking and smelling the same, only wet.
• And speaking of smell… That odor in their rooms? It’s not charming. Why am I the only one who feels that way? Is that another super power? If so, I’d like to trade that one in. I’d even throw in crumb detection so maybe I could get something cool, like Jedi powers. With a wave of my hand, I could command… You can make your own peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Eating green vegetables will not harm you. 10-minute showers are enough, 30 is totally unnecessary. Dirty clothes hampers are your friend. Use them.

Would I trade any or all of that for more girls in the house? No way. I know what I was like as a teenager and I don’t wish that on anyone. There’s only room for one Queen in this castle. Me. And my husband would definitely agree.