I went to the dentist today. It’s always a pleasure to go. Not really. But my check-ups seem to go okay so I can’t complain too much. I could review all of the horrors of being at the dentist office but I won’t. That would take too long. However, today there was one thing that stuck in my mind throughout the appointment. Remember the days of the spitting sink? That swirling mini toilet bowl that was set on the side of the dentist chair where you had to spit after they rinsed your mouth with water? And because they’d never squirt in enough water to rinse properly, after I’d spit into the bowl, there would always be a thin stream of yuckum that followed me back to the laying position leaving a wet line across my cheek. Good times.

Nowadays, they use a spit sucker-upper. It is definitely an improvement to the spitting sink but… When I have to close my mouth around it, it feels as if it wants to turn my mouth inside out due to the crazy suction. And if I happen to open my nasal passage at the same time, it’ll suck air through my nose leaving me with a strange feeling I’m still not sure about. And finally there’s the sound it makes which is really gross. Really really gross. For whatever reason whenever I’m there, there’s always a person in another room getting what sounds like their brains sucked out. I’m talking about a constant stream of super long loud slurpy wet suction sounds for the entirety of my own visit. What in the heck is going on in there? Who is this person who needs so much suction? Why does it sound chunky? And why so spurpy?!? Close your mouth! Close your mouth! YUCK. They really need to fix that. It almost makes me miss the spitting sink. Almost.